Anticipated-as-shit movies of 2012

There are certain motion pictures on the way that I for one cannot contain my excitement about. With very few of these having yet seen release, this is all dependent on who is involved in the making of them, and it seems many of my favourite fillmakers will deliver something in 2012 that will hopefully be worthwhile, or completely kickass and awesome. These films are as follows;

Django Unchained
Written & Directed by Quentin Tarantino
Tarantino's next film will be a Western starring Jamie Foxx, Leonardo DiCaprio, Christoph Waltz, and other actors who are mostly famous and such. Those familiar with the writer/director's last picture, Inglourious Basterds - in my opinion a delightfully trashy, funny and suspenseful film - will remember Waltz as Colonel SS Hans Landa and will no doubt relish the decision to cast him as a German bounty hunter alongside Foxx's titular role. Although, having read the first few pages of the screenplay, one could arguably dismiss this as Tarantino's latest attempt to cram the word "nigger" into his actors' mouths as many times as humanly possible, I personally cannot wait for the man's regular concoction of awesome violence, profane dialogue and rad, hyper-referential direction.

Nero Fiddled
Written & Directed by Woody Allen
Although Midnight Paris is inarguably (that is, if you agree with everything I say) the best film of 2011, it lacks something synonymous with the very best Woody Allen films; the auteur (what a shithouse of a word) himself as the lead, or at least a supporting actor. Continuing to romanticise Europe in the same "grass is always greener" way that I aspire to live the American Dream, Woody has set Nero Fiddled in Rome, as the title would suggest. And, yes, he stars in it, for the first time since 2006's abhorrently under-appreciated Scoop. 

The Counselor
Written by Cormac McCarthy
Directed by Ridley Scott
Fuck Gladiator up the ass. No doubt that, while Blade Runner is a classic, Ridley Scott is a bit of a hack. As such, there is no reason to look forward to The Counselor...apart from the fact CORMAC MOTHERFUCKING McCARTHY is writing the motherfucking god ass fucking damn shittin' screenplay. For those of you thinking "so what, these are the movies we're talking about, it's not as if the guys who actually come up with the stories, painstakingly transcribe their thoughts onto page, and present the directors with all the dialogue and directions one could need to make a film actually matter" bear in mind that McCarthy's last two novels were "No Country For Old Men" and "The Road" - both classics.

Moonrise Kingdom
Written by Wes Anderson & Roman Coppola
Directed by Wes Anderson
To realise why I'm so pumped for the next Wes Anderson film, simply survey his filmography or look at its cast. Well, its adult cast anyway. The two main characters are 12-year-old kids, who will probably be excellent because this is Wes fucking Anderson we're talking about. Anyway, that cast we were talking about;  usual Anderson collaborators Bill Murray & Jason Schwartzman, along with Bruce Willis, Frances McDormand, Edward Norton, Tilda Swinton and Harvey Keitel. Probably the best ensemble he's assembled since, uh, well, his last film; Fantastic Mr Fox.

The Great Gatsby
Written by Baz Luhrmann & Craig Pearce (from the novel by F. Scott Fitzgerald)
Directed by Baz Luhrmann
I didn't give a shit about this adaptation until I heard that Carrie Mulligan has been cast as Daisy Buchanan. Perfect casting of the highest order.

The Dictator
Written by Sacha Baron Cohen, Alec Berg, David Mandel and Jeff Schaffer
Directed by Larry Charles
Although Bruno was an unexceptional, vaguely irritating failure (I would criticise it for what could be perceived as homophobia, but I'd consider that hypocritical with regards to my enjoyment of his more racially-themed humour),  the fact still remains that Sacha Baron Cohen and Larry Charles' first collaboration, 2006's Borat: Cultural Learnings of America for Make Benefit Glorious Nation of Kazakhstan, was one of the funniest movies of the 2000s. Seemingly an obscene satire of modern-day autocrats, which is funny enough, a further reason to go and see the Dictator is the fact that the authors of its screenplay (aside from Baron Cohen himself, obviously) are also employed by Larry David as Curb Your Enthusiasm's staff writers. The director has history with the programme too and so, as David will likely not make another season until 2013, this film will be the closest one can get to its brilliant humour.


The Dark Knight Rises
Written by Christopher & Jonathan Nolan
Directed by Christopher Nolan
Batman is fucking cool as fuck.

Not Fade Away
Written & Directed by David Chase
Guys, David Chase created The Sopranos. As such, everyone in the world, even if they're dying of a rare genital super-virus or spending their joyless days in a Brazilian slum, should go and see Not Fade Away. I believe this is a 1960s coming-of-age story or suchlike. Good. It's been too long since we heard from Chase.

Additionally;

• James Bond: Skyfall (Sam Mendes)
• Savages (Oliver Stone)
• Cogan's Trade (Andrew Dominik)
• Argo (Ben Affleck)
• Marley (Kevin MacDonald)
• Inside Llewellyn Davies (Joel & Ethan Coen) - especially this one
• The Master (Paul Thomas Anderson)