A First Blog Post

A blog is in many ways like a woman: it's best to take its virginity as early as possible so that an inevitably underwhelming and unfulfilled lifespan can begin its course.

But seriously, sexism's lame.

Anyway, I've been entrusted with writing the first blog post to this group contribution 'Adventures of a Suburban Street Posse'. I'd like to say it's an honour, but let's be fair - I'm a pretty awesome human being and if I let such petty milestones as these count on my radar, then I'll never fulfil my lifelong ambition of being the first socialist on the moon. Presently I'm questioning exactly where I should be leading this first blog post, although perhaps taking the virginity of a blog is much the same as with a woman, child or Alsatian belonging to a neighbour - destined to be bloody, messy and inevitably leading to enquiries from the police department.

I made a little challenge to myself to see if I could fit two tasteless virginity jokes within the first 2 paragraphs, and now that I have I feel the same mixture of pride and shame that I imagine a Scientist would feel after creating a labrador with penises for ears - sure, it's quite a feat, but it's also kind of just a labrador, with penises for ears, isn't it?

I guess you could say that this is the perfect introduction to my writing, having already compared it to a multi-phallused canine and duly lowered any expectations one might have had to a point of no return; the basement of standards in blog-writing, filled with fuck-awful metaphors and multiple Fritzl children. I'd like to stress that this isn't reflective in any sense of the writing of Jack, who will no doubt be a voice of sense and reason to my multi-cocked-labradors of blog posts. I'll be writing about things that interest me; I'm passionate about politics, literature, philosophy and as we've already covered, disgusting analogies.

I'm a socialist, atheist and lover of poetry so there's lots of boring intellectual stuff for you to look forward to and in lieu of me presenting any intelligent, summarising analogy about my persona, here's a picture of a pen that I balanced on top of its lid once, in a Geography lesson.

Damn, that shit was dope.

Harvey

Jack would like to add: I certainly will not be adding reason to this blog in any shape or form. Also, Kudos for the N.W.A. reference.