"Cold Roses" by Ryan Adams & the Cardinals

 

I don't know how to begin this review. Should I do a crude introduction detailing that this is the first post I have ever made on this shiny new (oh christ, I always revert to the same cliched expressions in my writing) blog in painfully and tediously self-aware terms? Should I just dive into this review as if you've been reading my music writing forever and a day (OHFUCKINGHELLIRONICCLICHEHE'SSOFUCKINGFUNNY) and actually start talking about the superfluous music contained within? Yeah actually that would probably have been best.

Forget I ever wrote that paragraph.

It's scary how brilliant Ryan Adams is. That's not a popular opinion from outside of his devoted fanbase. Because he writes too many albums or something. Whatever, it's not obvious to me amongst the certain quality, some  intangible majesty, that is evident from even his worst music. I reckon the guy's a fuckin' genius. And seriously I was banging your mother the other night and she was totally with me so keep listening.

Amongst the artists I listen to, the common thread is that they all write good songs. And hell if a song is an excellently crafted rock piece with fucking pedal steel and a melody that grabs you by your set of dicks then Ryan Adams writes a lot of good god damn songs, the best of which are contained partially on "Cold Roses"

"Magnolia Mountain", "Easy Plateau", "Sweet Illusions", "Meadowlake Street", "If I Am A Stranger", "Let It Ride", "Cold Roses" and "Mockingbirdsing" stand out as the major jams on these two worthy LPs. Ryan here is channelling a total Deadhead jammin vibe and so it's all awesome and shit. The Cardinals (then powered by these snaky ass little guitar lines by JP Bowersock) are such a kickass electric rock band but then they have this gorgeous pedal steel that seriously improves the songs tenfold without in any way turning them into whiskeyed-up Tenneseese KKK hoedown nonsense in any sort of way. Cindy Cashdollar (who sounds like the offspring of a barbie doll and some jewish dude but obviously must be a RACIST and INBRED if she plays country music) plays beautiful lines on "Easy Plateau" that make seem to float through your ears, careening wonderfully and basically owns all these songs so PAY THE FUCK UP

or illegally download w/e it's 2011 bitches

If any of you like drugs you might dig this because it's good and interesting guitar music but also chilled and nice, full of vibes and hott jamz. Sit down and burn one with this muthafucka and yu made it! However, good songs are good songs and even non-marijuana-smokers (people who r GAY LOLOL!!) can surely enjoy them. These are scarily good here are some responses to certain tracks

"Magnolia Mountain" (when after the worthy as hell instrumental drop it gets back down to basics with just Ryan's guitar and voice singing the haunting stanza of "we burned the cottonfields out in the valley and ended up with nothing but scars. the scars became lessons that we gave to our children after the war.") WOOHOO! Fuck me up the ASS! That's good. He has such an endearingly cracked yet commanding and melodic voice! hoo hoo hot damn that little guitar harmony on "after the war". Now the instruments are back with a great harmony vocal, I must just die and go to heaven. haha religion can't pretend it's true lol sorry guys.

"Sweet Illusions" ("and I ain't got nothin' but love for you now; love, for you, IAAAAEEEEEIIIII can't...") whoa that was a good falsetto!

"Cold Roses" this band are an epic 70s style rock behemoth. I wish more bands brought the wholesome beardy styles of Neil Young & the Grateful Dead into the 21st century. At least without sucking dong thanks, bands covered extensively in Mojo.

"Dance All Night" man, this is an exuberant little track with little elements of bleakness hiding behind its metaphorical window. Cool harmony and harmonica but there's something a *little* off. Maybe the drums sound like dick or something?

Ryan Adams blah blah, gall to release a double album in 2005, he also released two other very very very good albums in that same year, blah blah, Grateful Dead, blah blah blah blah, genius, hero etc.

Whoa I went on for ages I'm off to smoke some more weed

RATING: 9.7833920/10

LINK: http://www.mediafire.com/?g1sx4dlusd2yrg2