Is your name "Noel Gallagher's High Flying Birds"? No? Then Jack hasn't bought you.
This was originally going to be a top 30 but I saw no point in including albums I haven't listened to enough to decide if I actually like them at all.
26. Fleet Foxes | “Helplessness Blues”
Fleet Foxes kinda piss me off because hipsters rave about them without bothering to even give "Pet Sounds" or "Music From Big Pink" a listen, and also because I'm jealous of their talent. Shit these guys sing good. Generally I like to listen to something that caters to my shitola attention span but the melodies on this album are beautiful, and one of the songs has a totally cool free jazz section. However, if you (rightfully) rip on Beady Eye for being derivative, then you better stop enjoying this album. Luckily for these foxy ladies (ok they're men but they sing some pretty high notes), they write songs approximately A LOT better than Beady Eye!
25. Com Truise | “Galactic Melt”
Bleepy analogue electrotits. Lacks the impersonal cockfest often brought about by synth music, instead sounding welcoming and fun. However, if you start dancing to this people will think you're super gay. And shit maybe you are, who's judgin'?
24. Lou Reed & Metallica | “Lulu”
"Jack!" I can hear you saying "this record is completely terrible!" Well thanks for that. You are incredibly perceptive. "All the songs are one part over and over again, while Lou Reed recites naughty things like a geriatric booze-hound!" I see "Metallica betrayed metal! I'm going to send a death treat to Lou Reed! I don't understand anything about the history of popular music!" Congrats, you win a fucking prize, and it's my dick slamming into your face. While all these are undoubtedly true, except for the latter which is stupid and shows that vast contingencies of metalheads are numbskulls who don't understand what it is to be an artist, I think this record has some merit. For a start, the songs that are bad are laughably bad. Who hasn't let out a chuckle at James Hetfield's constipated cock-rock bellow of "I AM THE TABLE!" ? What is their not fit to giggle at about Lou's faux-edgy sado-porno he dresses up as poetry? Are Lars Ulrich's drums not hilariously rhythmless and tinny, like a mentally-challenged and angsty teen beating a collection of dustbins?
And even with this fantastic merit as a comedy of epic proportions, like a feature-length audio sketch parodying two disparate artists' attempts to "jam" out with some "meaningful" high-school poetry, let's bring attention to the fact that Junior Dad is a really fucking good song, with Reed wistfully half-singing lyrics that somehow are not comparing a knife with a black man's cock, and Metallica displaying some (HOLY FUCKING MOTHER OF SHIT) subtlety. There's even an ambient section, making the track 19 minutes long. This is some ambitious shit. Shit, quite a few of the songs have a genuinely worthy part or two. Not usually two though. Usually just one. Frankly I should have rated this higher just for existing, against all odds, and pissing off Metallica fans so much.
JAM (sorry, Lou sounds much nicer on the studio version)
hahaLOL these faggots just put out an album called "Lulu" METAL 4 LYFE
23. Josh T. Pearson | “Last of the Country Gentlemen”
Josh T. Pearson is a ramblin' man. He made one other record a decade ago and it was pretty good. He had a band then, he doesn't anymore, but he's still pretty good. He likes to play acoustic guitar and he likes to take his time. This record opens with a three-minuter and closes with one lasting only two, but in between we're treated to five songs ranging between 10 and 13 minutes. They're all very slow and very gorgeous, sometimes flanked by strings. If you dig the musical sounds of heartbreak you'll dig Josh T. Pearson.
22. The Men | “Leave Home”
Shiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiieeeeeeeeeeeeet I tired myself out with that Lou Reed/Metallica synopsis. This is a good album if you like reverby noisy shit. Good tunes hidden in there. Cool cover and shit. Should probably have listened to it more but every time I've done so I'm all like "RAD"
21. Sungrazer | “Mirador”
Sungrazer are a cool band of stoned-out, heavy riffage. To listen to their album is to wade through a gargantuan cloud of marijuana smoke, eventually emerging at a satisfactory song. Recommended for fans of Kyuss and their ilk, this is probably the best 'stoner-rock' album I have heard in recent years, referring to the heavy rockin' genre rather than just smoky music. Again; Raaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaad.
If this is you, you will probably like Sungrazer.
It seems they're Dutch. No wonder they're so stoned!
COMING SOON; Thom "Th for theology" Yorke & co plus some other records too obviously
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