I speak English. I know this may be hard to believe by the standard of my writing, but English is my first language. It's a very good language I think. More suited for humour than, say, German (though Monty Python managed to brilliantly navigate around this cultural difference). If you don't like a word there's probably something to replace it that sounds way cooler and there's American English and so on and so forth. We don't have that STUPID-ASS masculine and feminine words thing, or whatever it's called (le/la, der/die/das, you know what I mean....probably). But sometimes I just end up getting a bit stuck.
Another problem for me is of a different nature. Naturally as a man of dashing good looks, supple charm and an enormous peenos I spend a great deal of my time communicating with the womenfolk. Unfortunately, I am also a laid-back(ish), rock-loving stoner and practically every other word I use is "man". How can this be applied to women? They're not men! It doesn't make sense to use the word as a friendly nomenclature because they don't have willies!!!! Yet, without it, there are several gaping holes (not too dissimilar to the reason "man" is not an appropriate word) in my conversation. As you can see this has caused me great pain.
Fuck words. They're all for bastards. I'm going to become a monk and take vow of silence. Not before I help out Harvey's great cause though, because the death penalty is disgusting and barbaric. I did a speech on it as part of my GCSE English coursework and, hell, it was pretty much a standup routine played more for laughs than any serious political reasoning but;
TROY DAVIS
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