What happens when I fill out an application form for a freelance writing site.

Describe a hop bush:

A "hop bush" is an affectionate term for a well-known children's game, which involves locating an item of foliage, and "hopping" over it, so to speak, in a manner designed to provoke frivolity amongst participants and spectators alike. At times, the bush in question may be excessively large, and the bush-hopper's resultant fall into the complex of wood and greenery has been known to result in a jovial sense of slapstick humour. The method favoured by today's younger generations involves an additional stipulation of the unwritten set of rules; the bush must be private property, generally belonging to a prominent public figure, or at least somebody in a high tax bracket. Devoted bush-hoppers will meticulously research their target on Google to establish that their activity is justified. Once the bush has been hopped over, in a manner not dissimilar to a bunny rabbit's preferred method of transportation, those who participate in the festivities will feel like they have suitably shown a proverbial middle-finger to the establishment.

List the steps to roofing a house:

Step #1 - get a house (note: preferably one with no roof - the presence of a roof can cause insurmountable complications in a roof-buidling situation)
Step #2 - purchase a large amount of bricks, mortar (note: not the time-honoured item of heavy artillery) and a ladder (note: one can also choose to purchase thatch, but this leaves the homeowner susceptible to attacks by Big, Bad Wolves)
Step #3 - put bricks on top of the house, and stick them there with mortar. This can be achieved via the twin arts of putting and sticking. The ladder will be of valuable assistance to the act of one's ascension to the hightened level of the roof.
Step #4 - repeat the above step for a number of days.
Step #5 - build a chimney. The absence of a chimney can be of great inconvenience to Father Christmas, and nobody likes a Scrooge. This involves bricks and stuff.
Step #6 - hey presto! You now have yourself a roof. You've left the bricks to dry and now, no longer will the upper storey of your house be as frosty as the current economic climate, and aircraft-bound voyeurs will be hindered in their peeping-tommery as their vision is eclipsed by a nice, confident roof, made out of bricks and mortar and ladders. Congratulations. You've made it in the world.

Tell us about your favourite website:

[the site I'm applying to] is my favourite website of all time, for a number of reasons. For a start, the generously large text boxes provided in their application form are a beautiful sight to behold, almost as beautiful as the beige background that adds a wistful sense of gorgeous melancholy to proceedings. When I said "a number" of reasons, I meant "two". Two is a number, and thus I was entirely justified in my phrasing of that sentence. Perhaps I should have said "an even number" and narrowed down the criteria, but that doesn't have the same catchy ring to it.

What makes you a better fit for this position than other applicants?

I'm not aware of the other applicants, their merits and foibles; in fact I think they could very well all be infinitely better than me. One of my virtues would be that I'm very prolific - for instance, I recently wrote a novel twice the length of War & Peace in the time it took me to drink a cup of tea. However, the tea had gone rather sour by the end of the decade. Another literary endeavor of mine was compared contemporaneously to the 'Gonzo journalism' of Hunter S. Thompson's Fear & Loathing In Las Vegas. The only reason you won't have heard of it is that, when I went to present it to the publisher, I realised that I'd merely taken a large arsenal of psychedelic drugs instead of actually writing the novel.